Disgusting (Notevember 2020, #11)

    “Mouldy slice of bread?”
    “No, thanks.”
    “Rotten orange?”
    “Ugh, no.”
    “Maybe an unripe apple or a cigarette, then?”
    “I don’t smoke.”
    “Broccoli?”
    “N–. What?”
    “Broccoli… That’s a thing you eat, right?”
    “Yes, but it’s not like the other stuff here. Look, is this the first time you’ve summoned a human?” I asked my hosts.
    The demons exchanged a long, yellow-eyed look before turning back to me. “No”, they said in unison.
    “It is, isn’t it?”
    “No,” said one, as the other ventured a “maybe”.
    “Look, all of these things are edibles, yes. Except the cigarette. But they’ve gone bad.”
    “They don’t look evil to me”, said one of the demons. “And I should know.”
    “They smell a bit evil though,” suggested the other.
    “No, not bad as in morally. Bad as in past their sell-by-date.”
    “That’s okay, we didn’t actually pay for them.”
    “Wow, you are not getting me. These things cannot be eaten once they start to break down. Mold, yuck. Fungus, yuck. Rot, yucking yuck.”
    “Huh. I did suspect that, but Grahvinax said it was fine”, the demon accused its friend.
    “For good reason!” Grahvinax replied. “I’ve seen lots of things they eat that’s supposedly ‘bad’. Like that solid cow-liquid thing with blue streaks in it.”
    “You mean blue cheese?” I asked. “That’s different.”
    “Okay, then how about all those drinks with neurotoxin, made from spoiled fruit?”
    “Wine? Or cider? When you put it like that, it is a bit weird.”
    “And your kind eat all sorts of fungus. Funguses?”
    “Fungi.”
    “Thanks, I am.” Grahvinax smiled.
    “Wow, that was so bad.”
    “Thanks, I am”, it repeated.
    “Okay, so we have weird eating habits. But I can’t eat any of the things you gave me. Except the broccoli, I suppose. But not raw.”
    “Oh, don’t be like that. We did our best. You could at least try?”
    “Look, Gravlax–”
    “It’s Grahvinax. There’s no need to be rude.”
    “Sorry, it’s just… Shouldn’t you have done a little more extensive research before trying to summon a human?”
    Grahvinax looked to its companion, who shrugged what I think was the demon analogue to shoulders. “Well, Mrathnarx, it has a point.”
    “He. My pronouns are he/him. There’s no need to be rude”, I pointed out.
The demons looked genuinely ashamed, and mumbled their apologies.
    “In our defense, it’s not like humans ever offer us refreshments when they summon us.” Mrathnarx put on an expression I could only describe as indignant (although I would prefer not to describe it at all).
    “What about human sacrifices, and virgin blood?” I suggested.
    “Ugh, we don’t eat those. What kind of freaks do you take us for?”
    “Then… why do we need them to summon you?”
    “You don’t.” Grahvinax turned to Mrathnarx again. “Do they?”
Mrathnarx shook its heads violently from side to side.
    “Well, why else would we do it?” I asked.
    “I dunno. We always assumed it was some traditional human ritual of hospitality.”
    “Gosh. This is awkward. How about souls, then?”
    “I don’t know if you noticed, but we’re corporeal creatures, just like you. The metaphysical doesn’t provide sustenance,” Mrathnarx lectured me while rolling most of its eerie eyeballs.
    “Yeah, souls didn’t build this beautiful body, bay-bee!” exclaimed Grahvinax and reached up to give its friend a high-five (high-seven? High-nine? It was hard to tell).
I shuddered. Yuck!
    “So I think we can all agree”, I said, “that some cultural sensitivity training might be in order – on both sides – before the next summoning.”
    “That’s fair”, agreed Grahvinax, as Mrathnarx gave a slow nod. “So, you’re okay with there being another try, then?” It sounded hopeful.
    “Sure, why not. Good opportunity for mutual learning. And on that note, what would you like me to serve for snacks?”
    This seemed to bring on an enthusiastic shiver in both my demonic hosts. Then they started to list, in uncomfortable detail, their favourite dishes.
    I couldn’t stop myself. “Oh God that sounds disgusting!”
They both went very quiet, then mumbled “Humans are so weird…”